There are some secrets that should not be carried alone. Not only is the weight too great, but because if other people know, other people may know how to help. I possess such a secret, and I'm compelled to share it with you:

Hilary Clinton is The Joker!

I speak out now because Hilary Clinton's nomination for the most powerful diplomatic job in the nation could jeopardize the fate of the world. Dismiss this as conspiracy theory at your peril (my assertion that Sarah Palin was a plant by the Canadian government was brushed aside, despite no scholarly refutation) but the evidence, outlined here, is, as you will see, conclusive:

• The Joker has always worn make-up, supposedly to disguise his identity. But both the Lone Ranger and Batman's sidekick Robin have demonstrated that all you need to protect your identity is a small black swatch of fabric with a couple of small oblong eye holes. The Joker's comprehensive color coverage indicates that something greater than mere identity is under wraps: The appearance is obviously an elaborate ruse to distract victims from recognizing Joker's true gender.
• Isn't "Secretary of State" a quintessential Joker-style M.O.? The Joker was never a James Bond-style nemesis, replete with a high-tech lair buried beneath a glacier---The Joker is the Nathan Lane of villains, and a big state party for the Chinese Prime Minister is the ideal place to reveal the punch line of some diabolical dupe.
• Have you ever seen Hilary Clinton and The Joker in the same room? No, just like you've never seen Clark Kent and Superman in the same room. That coincidence escaped the notice of Daily Planet staffers, but this one didn't escape me.
• Look at the visual evidence included here. The exaggerated expressions, the maniacal mannerisms, the disconcerting enthusiasm---the camera doesn't lie.

Hilary has laid the groundwork perfectly: Engaging an enormous number of followers, then enduring a very public defeat that demands appropriate recompense. Secretary of State is just big enough as a consolation prize.

Why hasn't any national media picked up on these obvious connections? Think about it: Hilary Clinton spent almost two years traveling the nation, speaking to nearly every reporter in the press, always in her trademark pantsuits. Much political posturing was made of those pantsuits, distracting from the real reason she wore them: pockets filled with The Joker's Complacency Powder, liberally sprinkled at every press conference, reporters and audiences lulled into ignoring the truth. (Though credit where credit is due: It was actually Karl Rove who invented the Complacency Powder.)

Holy Trojan Horse, America. Wake up and smell the danger!